This was written in 2004...about 2 months later I was found in a bed in a hotel by the paramedics after a suicide attempt. Guess i should have read the poem again
Today I woke up
No make-up, no lip gloss
Just natural me and I took off
into the streets to begin my day
today i realized that tomorrow
is not promised. that my life could
end tonight and I will have died
without making a difference
today i cried because of all the
indifference in my life. all of the
bullshit in the world. all of the times
i should have done something but
didn't because i was afraid or felt i
just couldn't do it
today i thought of all the people
around me who are moving upwards
and onwards and I thought of how my
life is at a standstill. how i may
never be able to come whatever. how
maybe, just maybe, this is all i'm supposed
to be
today i tried to figure out exactly
who i am. what is my purpose? why do
i wake up every morning? Why has God
or whoever put me here? Why cant my life
be perfect the way every one elses is?
Today i decided to make some changes
i decided to not take this sitting down
to fight for my life. to be someone. to
be better than everyone else. to make
plans and follow my dreams. to be
independent and live life to its fullest
Today, I woke up
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it is amazing how people can carry on looking like they have it together. how do you feel reading that now?
ReplyDeleteironically, there are days that feel the exact same as I did when I wrote that. my moon varies. it's comes with the package of being manic depressive. i feel like each stanza of that poem at different times of the year, month or even day.
ReplyDeletethis is sad but beautiful in it's own way... the only way to conquering your Lion is to be strong and pray real hard. Love you.
ReplyDeleteNot trying to get into ur business but I just wonder why u were depressed?, 3 years ago I was depressed too.
ReplyDelete