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I always wonder if anybody is listening...If i'm reaching anyone..if anybody cares. I even tried to leave FB because I thought my voice was unheard... And then someone posted this on my wall:

Jada Horton Stacey - Your status updates are the highlights of my day. You bring the issues - from every end of the spectrum. Your perspective is so nuanced, yet real, that you would appeal to such wide audiences. Do you have a blog? Because you need a platform outside of FB. I could SO see you with you a frickin show.

After responding and thanking her for her comment, I laid down and went to bed. I’m not sure, but I think I slept a little better last night than I have in months.

Chasing Waterfalls

I’m 28. I’ll be 29 in October. 30 next year… but in many ways I’m still a child

There is a certain selfishness that I have that something you would find in child. I don’t like to share. I’m stubborn. And I’m clingy. I’m the first to admit that and the last one to deny it.

My clinginess has proven to be my biggest downfall. It has cost me relationships and friendships. Its hard to want to be close to someone that doesn’t want to be close to you. And this causes confusion. It causes more than confusion. It causes breakups….or resentment.

I’m not close to my family. So in turn, I’m close to my friends. But I believe that one of the biggest mistakes that I have made in my life is treating some of my friends like family. The old saying goes that blood is thicker than water. I suppose that’s true. But in my case, i considered that water to be frozen like a glacier. Something strong and huge that could sink ships if one came at it the wrong way. But the thing that I forgot about glaciers is that they are still made of water. And when the heat is on, they melt.

TLC said not to chase waterfalls and to stick to the rivers and lakes that you are used to. But what if I’m not used to rivers and lakes? What do I do if I’m not used to the stability of the rivers and lakes and I’m attracted the allure of those free-flowing waterfalls? Then what T-Boz? Since you know every god damned thing…..but I digress…

Moving on

I was raised in a household where the children came first. We were always first priority over anything my grandparents wanted. It was a selfless act of love. And because of that, I treat people the same way. I think of them before I think of myself. But the older I’ve gotten, the more I’m learning that everyone doesn’t think that way. People actually put themselves before others. Or worse, they put their significant other before everybody else. People forget who was there when the chips were down. They forget who answered late night calls when they were under duress. They forget who had their back like the Verizon man. Or maybe people don’t forget. Maybe, they are simply attracted to one of those free flowing waterfalls. But they also forget that waterfalls flow into rivers and lakes. Those large bodies of water are just as, if not more, important as the waterfall.

But everybody doesn’t think like me.

Glitch in the Matrix --- a work in progress...

The first time that we hugged you told me that I felt like “love”

And I thought that you were that man that had been sent to me from the man up above

Yeah, I prayed for you. I begged for God to send me “the one”

A man who loved me unconditionally

One that I would walk down the aisle with

Wearing something old, something borrowed and some something blue

But God must have misunderstood me

Because something went wrong and I ended up being your number 2……

Subliminal Issue

Welcome to my blog.

A lot of you are first time viewers, some of you are long time customers. Some of you are generally interested in what I have to say, and some of you are just being nosey and want to know what I’m doing.

The most important question that some of you may have is why I left Facebook. Well, I’ll try to explain it without getting to personal.

I started hanging out on Myspace first. Then I migrated to Facebook. At first I hated it and then grew to love. I actually used it as a networking website! I found people that I hadn’t seen in almost 15 years. I laughed, I joked, I had fun. I updated my status daily more than most people change their draws in a week. I posted notes and sometimes people read them, sometimes they didn’t. I even had people beg me to create this here blog. And of course, I did.
But it got to a point when FB wasn’t fun anymore. It became a internet forum for drama, petty shit, dumb shit, and other shit. And no matter what you say, there will always be drama when too many people are around each other. I’m not innocent. I started drama, I participated and I also ended some. FB beef is by the silliest beef their ever was. But it makes me laugh and keeps me entertained. Ya’ll know how much I love pork so it’s nothing for me to HAM….
But it was just too much for me. Too much dumb shit and not enough positive shit. I could post a positive status and maybe 3 people would like it. But if I post something about my hatred for Halle “I can’t keep a man” Berry then I’d get 72 comments, 85 likes and a few inboxes asking me why I’m hating. I would post notes and wonder if anybody read them. I would pour my heart out on this computer screen and only get responses from the people that I talk to on the phone every day. If I wanted that reaction then I would simply post on this blog that nobody reads. I used FB as a forum because I wanted to be able to reach a large amount of people at once. But it appears that I didn’t reach anyone. So why work hard to make my voice heard when everyone is deaf? So I left….

That’s the first reason why.

The second reason is a slightly more complex.
Sometimes I would post statuses based on something in my life but I would send subliminal messages to make the situations seem hypothetical. This isn’t a new form of communication and I’m not the only person who does this. However,…well, there is no however. It’s some punk shit to do and I’m the first to admit it. When someone starts of a status with “Some people…” they really mean “This specific person.” Yet, we don’t do that. We don’t want to broadcast our business in the streets but we still want to update FB to show that person we are talking how we feel . And we know they will see it. And we also know that everybody else will see it. And then we deal with the status comments of other “friends” co-signing on our thoughts or asking “Dang, who you mad at?” But of course, we still won’t fess up and say what the real problem is. We hide behind our screen names and our computer screens rather than working to fix the actual issue. We are cowards. And we know it. But nobody wants to change it.

Well, I did.

I left FB.