Photo Shoot....

This weekend I did a photoshoot with my good friend Michael Thomas. We had a great time getting this shots. Check me out and check him out.


http://mtphotographystl.blogspot.com/2010/07/stacey-adamz.html?spref=fb

Crush Groove

Every time I see your name
on my caller ID, I smile
When I think of you
I straight up blush..
Like a schoolgirl
I thought I was too old for a crush
But you proved me wrong
Every time I see you
I can't help but to countdown the moments
until the next time I'll see you again
See you,
you are my type
I don't fall for too many guys
But you are the prototype
When I try to make a list
of everything I want in a man
I quickly stop
and paste your picture on the paper instead
At night when I lay in bed
I wish you were there with me
But I'll settle for you being the last
person I talk to before i shut my eyes
but when i close my eyes
all i can see is you
in my dreams
in my mind
I toss and turn all night
Thinking about you
Sleepless nights, but I don't mind
I feel like I'm going crazy
Like i've completely lost my mind
It's not supposed to be this hard...
I get jealous when you mention
another woman's name
I wanna tell you how i feel
but what i you don't feel the same?
So I'm afraid
The thought of rejection
from you
I couldn't even take it
You got me so gone
That I changed my relationship status on FB
to "Its' Complicated"
It's complex
See I'm not yours
and you're not mine
I wish you could see
That I'm sitting here waiting
I'm ready for love and the idea
of you and me
But as long as you continue
To only think o me as your homie
Then I'll continue to sit in my house at night
And be lonely
and hoping
and wishing
and praying
that one day you'll make that move
Until then I'll just continue to write about this crush groove...

Glitch in the Matrix...revisited

See,
once upon a time we had a love
that people dream of
 alove that could conquer all
or so I thought
You changed, or maybe I did
I stopped making you smile
or maybe you forgot how to
You forgot how to appreciate my love for you
or maybe I forgot how to
show it
We would plan out our future
And dream of places we could go together
but those images and memories have faded
because we no longer go together
I thought we would grow old together
Build our lives together
Have children together
But there was a glitch in the matrix
And we couldnt' make it last forever
We went from spending every moment together
To you "Not having time for that shit"
I swear we were living in the same house
But in a long distance relationship
Relation-shit
Dumb shit
Bullshit
Arguing constantlly over the same ol stupid shit'
Or about that one bitch
The one at your job
The one trying to suck me out of house and home
The one that you claimed you would never even try to bone
Until you did
But I didn't even mean to bring her ass up right now
My bad
I digress
This love shit has me nothing but stressed
And I don't even know how we got to this point...
I remember it like it was yesterday...
The first time that we hugged
you told me that I felt like "love"
And I thought that you were that man that had been sent to me
from the man up above
Yeah, I prayed for you
I begged or God to send me "the one"
A man who loved me unconditionally
One that I would walk down the aisle with
Wearing something old, something borrowed and something blue
But God must have misunderstood me
Because there was a glitch in the matrix
And I ended up being your number 2....

Two Stars

I see two stars

in summers night

Hovering

Lost

In blinding light

Each sits still

in heavens net

as each remains

as yet

Unmet

But fortune moves

in strangest ways

it lengthens nights

it shortens days

May this night

and day begin

and bring two lovers back again....

TEF POE "SHOW STEALERS"

I don't listen to new music. Most of you know this. I hate new music. It disappoints me. However, I have encountered something known as The Force. I use the word "something" because I can't call them a group. I don't want to call them a clique. Or a gang. They aren't like Dipset, G-Unit, or whatever other lame ass group of dudes that are out there wearing matching chains. The Force is a collective group of people who understand the true definition of hip hop. And guess what? They are from St. Louis. AND they put out quality work? Don't believe me? This is my new club banger. Well, I don't go to clubs but I bump this in the car.

Sugarland - Stay

First time i heard this was during the CMA's a few years ago. I was flipping channels and I saw a woman standing on stage and there was a guy with a guitar. I decided to stop and listen....I was sobbing about a minute in. it was like she had found my letters and read each one out loud...

Adele - Chasing Pavements

Story of my life.....

I think she heard me....

Ask, and you shall receive

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128149135#commentBlock

The Many Voices Of Lauryn Hill

by ZOE CHACE

June 28, 2010

I interviewed a lot of people for my story about Lauryn Hill's voice. I had to, because I didn't know if I'd be able to speak to her myself. The singer and rapper last released a recording eight years ago. She rarely performs in the U.S., and she almost never gives interviews. But her fans haven't forgotten her — they're still pleading for her to come back. Hill is a fantastic singer, as well as one of the greatest MCs of all time, and the story of her voice is the story of a generation.

It doesn't take much for a group of 30-somethings to get nostalgic about Hill. Put her solo album, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, on at a bar, and it takes the crowd right back to college days or high-school summers. I met Daryl Lutz while he was hanging out with a group of friends on the deck of Marvin's Bar in downtown Washington, D.C.

"We went to school in Hampton, Va., and she came to do a show," he said. "It was one of the best times in my life — I mean, she spoke to me! We snuck backstage and I got her to sign my meal card. She said, 'This is your meal card, brother, you know?' I said, 'That's all I got.' She signed it, 'Eat well — L. Boogie.' That's something I'll never forget. I love her. I love her to death."

I heard tons of stories like Lutz's that night — mostly closed with this plea: "Come back, Lauryn. We need you. Come back!" People spoke directly into the microphone, as if it were a telephone line.

From New Ark To Israel

Hill became a star with the hip-hop trio The Fugees. Their second album, The Score, came out in 1996, and it was an instant classic. The group — Hill, Wyclef Jean and Prakazrel Michel — sounded like they were in perfect sync. On the first single, "Fu-gee-la," Hill sang the hook, rhymed a verse, then sang again. She was the total package, more so than any other rapper, male or female, has been.

She's one of slickest rappers ever: Her rhymes are dexterous, spiritual, hilarious, surprising. Without a doubt, she was the best-looking rapper the world had ever seen. And Hill was a soul singer with a real old-school, almost militant, politic. The second single was Hill's cover of Roberta Flack's "Killing Me Softly." That recording has never really gone away, and its success built the expectations for Hill's solo record to a fever pitch. Particularly to women and young girls who listened to her then, she was a revelation. There was steel in her voice when she rapped; she sang like she really cared about our hopeless crushes and our impotent rages, like she really loved us. We thought maybe we could grow up to be like her.

The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill came out in 1998. It was like LeBron James' rookie year in the NBA. You knew he had the potential to be great after seeing him in high school — and then, right out of the gate, he's one of the best ball players in the league.

Jayson Jackson, part of Hill's management team, described the recording process this way: "The record was already inside her. She would go into the studio, and it would just pour out of her."

Lenesha Randolph sang backing vocals on Miseducation, and she describes herself today as the backing vocals "to all your favorite artists." She's on tour with Lady Gaga right now, but a formative influence on her singing was her work in the studio singing backup for Hill.

"I don't know if people are gonna like this album, because I'm just singing, and nobody wants to hear rappers sing," Hill told Randolph at the time. Randolph says she couldn't believe it. "I was like, 'What are you talking about?' " Randolph says. "I would just stare at her, like, look in her mouth! Because when you hear her sing, and then hear her speak — it had such power and volume and rasp. It was something to strive for."

The feeling that you get [when you hear me sing], I get first.

- Lauryn Hill

Everything Is Everything

In 1998, everyone was listening to her sing: mothers, daughters, college students and little kids. As the rapper Nas described his audience, "listeners, bluntheads, fine ladies and prisoners." Miseducation crossed demographics and genres. It made people dance and cry and blast it from their speakers as they drove around with their best friends.

Jay Smooth, a longtime radio DJ, remembers there was a little sadness in the hip-hop community that there was less rhyming on the album than during Hill's time with The Fugees. "We may have missed out on the best rap album of all time," he says. Nevertheless, the album was a note that longtime fans of hip-hop had been craving for someone to hit. Smooth says that for people his age — the same age as Hill, the same age as people like Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls — "we saw our generation create something so powerful and innovative. They were speaking with a love and righteousness that we, perhaps naively, believed could change the world at that time."

Smooth compares the idealism of the hip-hop generation to the hippies before it. But just as the optimism of the '60s gave way to what he describes as "the malaise of the '70s," Smooth says that hip-hop had lost its way. The music grew more commercialized, and consequently more violent and self-involved, culminating in the deaths of Tupac in 1996, and then Biggie Smalls in 1997.

"It was right after that, in 1998, that Lauryn Hill's album came out," Smooth says. "And it seemed that she was that voice inside our soul — coming out and asking all of us, 'How could we have gone so wrong?' and 'Can we have some grown folks talking about loving ourselves, before it's too late? If it's not already too late?' "

'Look At Your Career,' They Said. 'Lauryn, Baby, Use Your Head'

Hill raked in the Grammys, including Album of the Year. But that same year, some of her collaborators filed suit, saying they weren't properly credited on the album. They settled out of court, and the stir over the suit prompted what seemed like a fall from grace for Lauryn Hill.

Shortly after the Grammys, in the winter of 1999, Hill disappeared from public life. For years afterward, her fans traded rumors — the prevailing theory was that she'd had some kind of breakdown. Smooth says he thinks the pressure put on her to save the hip-hop generation from itself might have broken her. She was also a busy mother: Over the past 10 years, she's had five children. Her MTV Unplugged album, which came out in 2002, seemed to reveal a person worn thin.

After Unplugged, those of us who grew up listening to her missed her voice in the same way we missed our hopeful youth. That powerful sound that represented great potential being fulfilled was silent.

"No one ever stops missing her," Smooth says. "Every time you say her name — like, 'Lauryn Hill walked into Home Depot' — you'll be hoping she starts tapping on a table and making a beat and singing."

This could be the year.

After Winter Must Come Spring

Lauryn Hill took the stage at the Harmony Festival in Santa Rosa, Calif., just a few weeks ago. She's barely performed at all in the U.S. in the past 10 years. The band was restless and loud behind her, almost drowning her out at times. She looked completely regal, even in a carnival balloon-style jumpsuit, with her hair blown out and dyed maroon to match. She pranced around the stage in huge heels, shouting directions to the band, as though they were in rehearsal. When she rapped, her words flew by so fast, it seemed she was barely breathing. But when the sound guy brought her mic up and the band would breathe for a moment, her voice soared over the crowd. It was the same voice I'd grown up with, just as raw and present and full of soul as I remembered.

The reputation that surrounds Hill is wild — it's hard to know what to believe, because she does so few interviews. She's got handlers on top of handlers, publicists and managers who, you think, will lead you to her, and then they turn out to be red herrings. My editor and I chased them all down during the weekend of the Harmony Festival. I was told by various people to not touch her, don't look her in the eye; that instead of talking directly to you, she writes on a Post-It note and sticks it to your chest. I've also been told repeatedly not to call her "Lauryn" anything — she goes by Ms. Hill. This is the only rumor that turns out to be true, in my case. Because after her performance in Santa Rosa, when we ask Ms. Hill if we can ride with her back to the hotel and ask her some questions, she tells us to get in the car.

courtesy of the Harmony Festival

Lauryn Hill onstage at the Harmony Festival in Santa Rosa, Calif., on June 13.

I ask her the question her fans have been asking each other for years: Why did you stop putting out music?

"There were a number of different reasons," she says. "But partly, the support system that I needed was not necessarily in place. There were things about myself, personal-growth things, that I had to go through in order to feel like it was worth it. In fact, as musicians and artists, it's important we have an environment — and I guess when I say environment, I really mean the [music] industry, that really nurtures these gifts. Oftentimes, the machine can overlook the need to take care of the people who produce the sounds that have a lot to do with the health and well-being of society, or at least some aspect of society. And it's important that people be given the time that they need to go through, to grow, so that the consciousness level of the general public is properly affected. Oftentimes, I think people are forced to make decisions prematurely. And then that sound radiates."

This would sound self-important coming from many other artists, especially popular artists. But to someone who grew up with Hill, it makes sense. She did have a hand in shaping how we were feeling, or it seemed that she did. And the disappointment of her disappearance is just one in a catalog of disappointments that we experienced as we grew up.

Her voice sounds just the same: low and raspy, full of intensity and soul. It's no wonder. She tells me she grew up singing along with mostly male soul singers — "the Donny Hathaways, the Stevie Wonders, the Jackie Wilsons." As for her rhyming skills, she says she used to have a rapping voice and a singing voice. But now the voices have to become one, in order for her to get the kind of music mix that she wants in a live performance. It's a work in progress. It's so funny to hear that Hill is still working on her extraordinary voice — holding it out in front of her, waving it like a sheet to see what more she can shake out of it.

"I'm trying to open up my range and really sing more," she says. "With The Fugees initially, and even with Miseducation, it was very hip-hop — always a singing over beats. I don't think people have really heard me sing out. So if I do record again, perhaps it will have an expanded context. Where people can hear a bit more."

How You Gonna Win When You Ain't Right Within?

I ask her what it feels like to sing, and she flips the question on me — "Well, what's it like to hear me?" I tell her listening to her sing makes me feel both happy and sad. It feels like her voice comes from a higher place. I'm paraphrasing all the people I've interviewed about her.

"The feeling that you get," she says, "I get first. I think you have a delayed experience with the feeling that I usually get. When I have a creative insight, there is a high. I think back in the day, I made music as much as I did because it made me feel so good. I think you could argue that there is a creative addiction — but, you know, the healthy kind."

I ask her about having a voice that moves so many people, if there isn't a certain amount of responsibility that comes along with that.

"I think about it, and yet I don't think about it," she says. We pull into the hotel parking lot and she's about to continue, but we're interrupted by one of the festival employees, who comes up to the car to ask if someone-or-other's keys are in the Suburban we're riding in.

"No," Hill says with a laugh. "No one in here has those keys." After all, it's just Hill, me, the driver and my editor in the car. As the man walks away, Hill says, "He looks just like Matthew McConaughey. First, second cousin. He does! ... What I was I saying? Oh, I think if I was created with such power or an ability, then what's also been put in me is the blueprint for the responsibility part, as well. I have to take care of myself in order to take care of this gift, which has affected so many. I don't treat it lightly. It's important to me to be healthy and to be whole."

And Hill seems healthy and whole, squished up next to me in the car, making cracks about ridiculous-looking actors, chin in her hand as she thinks through the answers to my questions. She doesn't tell me to move back, or that she doesn't want to answer something. Watching her perform earlier in the day made me uneasy. I felt like I was watching a captain who had spent a life at sea, then lived on land for 10 years, stumbling a bit her first time back on the deck of a boat. But hearing her steadiness now, I feel hopeful. It's also a reality check: Why did we demand so much of this woman?

"I don't know if you know this, but I have five children," she says. "The youngest is 2 now, so she's old enough that I can leave her for a period of time and know she's going to be OK. That's one reason [Hill is starting to perform again]. And I think it's just time. I'm starting to get excited again. Believe it or not, I think what people are attracted to about me, if anything, is my passion. People got exposed to my passion through music and song first. I think people might realize, you know, 'We love the way she sounds, we love the music, but I think we just love how fearless she is. How boundless she is, when it comes to what she wants to do.' And I think that can be infectious."

This closes the interview. I thank her. She says, "You're welcome," and my editor and I leave the car. We sit on the stairs for a few minutes to catch our breath. We spent all weekend chasing Lauryn Hill, hoping to have this conversation about her voice. I compared it to a video game with infinite levels you didn't even know existed, like when you beat a level and you think you won, but then you go through a door and there's a whole other world you have to conquer. Getting to Lauryn Hill was like that.

Sara Sarasohn, my editor, compared the chase to the Israelites rising up and following the cloud over the Tent of Meeting. In the Torah, when the Israelites are wandering in the desert, there was a cloud over the Tent of Meeting, where the Ark of the Covenant was kept. When the cloud lifted and moved, the Israelites would see it and know that it was time for them to move as well in their journey through the desert. It was like the presence of Hill was this cloud that we could see in the distance, and we were trying to follow it, and finally, we got to the Tent of Meeting.

Sitting on the stairs together, Sara and I couldn't help but cry, just a little. We talked to Lauryn Hill. And she's doing fine.

Dear Lauryn Hill ....from the Nu Lane Broadcast on 6/28

During the 2010 BET Awards (yes, i watched them) Nikki Minaj won the award for Best Female Hip Hop Artist. The other nominees were: Esther Dean (never heard of her), Lil Kim

(washed up), Rasheeda (never heard of her) Trina (saddest bitch).

On twitter, my good friend Toure tweeted this:

The whole category – the nominees and the winner- are indicative of the troubled nature of modern female MC’ing

I, of course, retweeted that comment because it was one of the realest things I had read in a long time. What in the hell happened to the REAL female emcee, or femcee if you will. How the hell did we get here.

Growing up, when i turned on BET or The Box, i saw Queen Latifah, Mc Lyte and Salt n Pepa. Queen Latifah had hits like "Ladies First" and "U.N.I.T.Y". I listened to those songs and i wanted to be her. I wanted to be a woman who could hang with the fellas and still hold my own. I could walk with my head held high and get the respect of all my peers. MC Lyte was extra nice on the mic and told beautiful vivid stories each time she graced the mic. And then you had Salt n Pepa, the female version of Run DMC. Sure, they were a little sexier with their wardrobe and lyrics, but there was still a level of female empowerment. With songs like "Express Yourself" and "Independent" I learned to just be myself and how to make my own money and not depend on a man to take care of me. These were valuable lessons. I wasn't a bitch. I wasn't a whore. I was a woman. Just like the women on my TV screen.

And then....something went wrong. One day i looked up and there were posters up everywhere of Lil Kim squatting down in a leopard print bikini with her moose knuckle hanging out. She was "hardcore." Her lyrics were about diamonds, shoes, expensive purses and oral sex. How the hell did we get here? What happened? Is this what i'm supposed to be now? Then Foxy Brown soon followed suit. Then every woman in america wanted to walk around in a fur coat and bikini. At this point i had given up on the femcee. I didn't want to be anything like these "women". I knew that there had to be something better. And there was...

In 1998 a woman by the name of Lauryn Hill dropped her debut album "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill." Music would change forever. Her album combined her soulful voice and lyrical prowess on track such as "Superstar" and "Doo Wop (That Thing." She could make a song that showed her heartache like "When it hurts so bad" and my favorite "Ex-Factor". She showed how real love actually feels on "Nothing Even Matters." and even her spiritual side on "Tell Him." She made me rethink my life with single "The Mideducation of Lauryn Hill". This woman was more than a record executives idea of a marketing tool: she was the truth.

Then...she left us. She disappeared into thin air. She changed the game and left before she could finish what was needed to be done. i thought for the longest that I was the only one who missed her until i found this post the other day:

(original post on http://www.eurweb.com/?p=16559. In Search of Lauryn Hill: The Obsoletism of the Female Emcee)

Where have you gone Lauryn Hill and how do I get there? Someone has to save the species of the fmale rapper from fading into oblivion or being reduced to mere sex toys. You had so much left to say, so much left oto do, little black girls need you; I can’t go on listening to the Barbie doll with the Tourette’s –like flow. I understand your life has undergone many alterations since “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill”, but your story is the story of millions of woman and your voices so powerful that you could help many of them through situations and maintain an outlet for yourself.

Instead we have a generation of Black girls lost listening to a female M.C. that wants to put something on my sideburns (listen to Bedrock) and feeding a sex kitten image to a throng of sex-starved people the exceeds the magical Summer of Love. This is not a Nicki Minaj dis blog; this is reality rap about the lack of diversity rocking the MIC for the ladies......

Nikki Minaj....well....what can I say. In theory, if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody then you shouldn't say anything at all. However, I have bad manners so I'll speak on this one. I don't hate Nikki Minaj: I hate what she represents. For years women have been depicted in rap lyrics as nothing more than objects of a male's affection or disdain. We were bitches and hoes. Gold diggers and chickenheads. Money hungry heffas and ratchet baby mamas. But the original female emcee showed that we were more than that. And like Flava Flav, Nicki Minaj is working so hard to destroy what we have put together as a people. True, entertainers are not supposed to be role models. They are strictly supposed to entertain. It's all supposed to start in the home. But what happens when your mother is a "Harajuko Barbie," too? Now what? Young girls listen to these rap lyrics about women using men to get what they want. About how your self worth means nothing unless you shop at Neiman Marcus. And rather than turning on the TV and seeing a woman that disproves those statements, they see a grown woman prancing around feeding into the stereotype. It didn't all start with Nicki and I can't put this all on her shoulders. But she is a part of the problem. Some say that it's just a gimmick. They say that she is forced to portray this character because of the record companies. I guess my question is then, how much is the price of your soul? Because you can't buy mine for a record contract. Maybe she really is a gifted MC. i'll never know because once I hear her voice i want to shoot myself. but i have read some of her lyrics and i see the potential. i see the potential to do so much more. We have gotten to a point where skills don't sell anymore; gimmicks do.There were MC's that tried to reign supreme in this male driven world and were pushed to the side. Rah Digga was nice on the mic and Remy Ma could battle rap with the best of them. But where are they now? Well, Remy Ma is in jail but you get the point.

I just think that we can do better. We have to. There is a generation of young girls that want to be Barbie dolls. But hey, even Barbie had a job. They think there self worth is determined by the size of their Prada bag, not the size of their personality. The men love Nicki so the women follow suit and want to be like her. Me? I still want to be like Queen Latifah. I want to be like MC Lyte. I want to be like Lauryn Hill. So Lauryn, if you are out there, please hear my plea:

We need you. The game needs you. I need you. My 13 year old niece needs you. Come back. We need a revolution.