Popularity

Recently, someone wrote me and mentioned how in high school she thought i was so cool. As an underclassmen she looked up to me because I hung out with all the popular people. Everybody knew me. I was a hot girl

And this surprised me.

I went to two different high schools during my 4 year tenure of high school. My first high school was filled with all of my friends I had gone to elementary and middle school with. I was already in a clique so popularity wasn't an issue. But when I transferred to my new school junior year, I was the new kid on the block. The only people I knew were a few guys that were upperclassmen that I used to kick it with back in the day. So I clung to them. But at lunchtime I had to find someone to sit with. Evidently I picked the right people because I was eventually known as "popular"

The idea of being popular has always intrigued me. Back in elementary school I never thought of myself as popular. I was never as cool as the other girls. I used to get chased around the playground because I was light skinned, tall, wore glasses, was smart/teacher's pet, and I didn't own a pair of K-Swiss. I was a walking target. But what's funny is that the girls that teased me the most were the girls who were the most popular. The one's whose attention I craved the most. I wanted to be like them sooo bad. I begged my grandmother to put a relaxer in my head so I could be like the other girls. Having natural, long hair was no longer going to be good enough for me (side note: the relaxer ending up breaking my hair off and I ended up just as bald headed as they were. great way to fit in.) I don't think I was ever comfortable in my own skin. I always longed to be better. To be them, and not me.

Even today, I think i just end up knowing the right people. In turn, lots of other people know me. But i don't know everyone. People meet me once and remember me. I don't remember a lot of folks. People remember me most for my "personality." My in your face attitude. The fact that I say whatever comes to my mind, not matter the consequence. But what I think a lot of folks don't realize is that the mouth I have today, stems from my childhood. I was teased and never stood up for myself. I never once talked back. I kept it all in. Then one day I realized that I was bigger than everyone else and I didn't want to be quiet anymore. I've been telling people off ever since. I made a vow to myself that I would speak my mind no matter what. Period.

Who knew that speaking up for myself would actually make me popular?